Is it normal that I wish my parents would die?

i will never deny that i dont like my dad because of the things he has done to me, mentally and physically, but deep down i know i love him but in a different way to the rest of my family (very very very deep down). i dont like him as a person i dont like him as a dad i dont like him at all!! i have never lived with my dad though and him and my mum split up when i was a baby so i have never been close to him. my mum hates him as well and she tells him regularly. but even she could never hate him with all her heart because he is still my dad. thats the way i feel as well but there are some things i will never forgive him for like hitting my mum and s h i t like that and even hitting me but some things you need to not forget but just get over because there is no way of you changing them. i have lost count of how many court cases i have been to testifying against him and i will never stop letting him know how he destroyed my happy childhood. my dad also gets angry very quickly so he gets into fights with pretty much anyone. he is not a heavy drinker or a schizophrenic, he has no mental or physical illness but he is from the caribbean and he grew up in fights on the streets and murders on his doorstep. i am not trying to defend him in any way but try to think why he does the things he does. i am only 14 and i have been through all of this, i know it doesnt seem like much but it builds up inside you and my best friend died just last month and i am finding it all hard to cope with. like i said dont try to make excuses for your parents but try to think what happened in their past to make them act like this, and god forbid something does happen to your parents you will never forgive yourself for wishing the dead. so stay strong hun!! hope this helped ..xxx